


No Soul to Sell

by NinjaKitten



Category: Misfits
Genre: Angst, Consent Issues, Dark, Dark!Simon, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Kink Meme, M/M, Mild Kink, On Hiatus, POV Alternating, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Unrequited Love, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:51:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaKitten/pseuds/NinjaKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon wants Nathan. The tattoo incident provides an opportunity too good to miss.<br/>Written for a Kink Meme prompt. Read and consider the tags!</p><p>On hiatus (NO updates) awaiting rewrite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for jalexslashlove's prompt on the Misfits Kink Meme.  
>  _"I'd really like to read a fic where Nathan has the tattoo and Simon blatantly takes advantage of that (but not in a loving way, in a lust-filled way) not realizing that even after it's gone, Nathan actually does have feelings for him and Nathan could find out and be really hurt by what Simon did. Idk i love angst, gimme angst please!!"_.
> 
> Title from Nine Inch Nails' _Closer_.
> 
>  **Content warnings** (there's lots): Explicit scenes, dub/non-con because of Nathan’s tattoo, coerced consent through emotional manipulation, non-consensual unsafe rough sex, and mild blood, pain and control/obedience kinks.

Simon spends a lot of time thinking about Nathan. It’s not by choice; Nathan constantly demands to be the centre of attention. It’s more than that, though. In all his years of being the ‘weird kid’ target, no one has ever played with him quite like Nathan does, going from cutting insults to shamelessly sexual comments and touches in seconds. No one has ever stirred up these particular feelings in him either, the anger and hate not quite able to override the desire he doesn’t want to think about, expressed only in dreams that leave his sheets sticky and him breathless. 

He’s not sure when his late-night thoughts have begun to feature messy dark curls and tattooed skin, but he can’t seem to remember a night when he didn’t come to thoughts of fucking Nathan’s pretty mouth. Sometimes his fantasies are darker; there are days when the verbal attacks have been particularly bad, and Simon wants to make Nathan hurt as much as he does. He tries not to think about that too much. 

...

Everything that has happened to them since the storm has been resolved in a few days, weeks at the most. Simon is sure whatever’s happened to Nathan will be over just as quickly. There’s definitely something wrong. Nathan would never look at Simon like that, like he would let Simon do anything to him and he’d love every second of it. Simon knows it’s wrong to enjoy the attention. 

He still wanks off that night to the memory of the kiss.

But he can’t help thinking about how he’d fucked it all up. Nathan had kissed him, and he could easily have kissed back. He could have stayed, touched Nathan like he’s always wanted to and seen how far Nathan would let him go. It was his chance to get what he wanted, and he screwed up. 

Simon vaguely remembers, despite the drug and alcohol haze, Nathan’s advice at the club. Nathan is hardly sweet and innocent, and Simon said he couldn’t use his power like that; but this technically isn’t his power, is it?

So when Nathan comes to him the next day with starry-eyed declarations of love, it really seems like too good of an opportunity to waste. As Simon’s trapped against the locker, Nathan whispering filthy promises into his ear, a plan begins to form. 

…

“I’m not sure I’m ready for this.” Simon plays innocent, even as Nathan’s hand is slowly moving up his thigh and he can feel Nathan’s hot breath on his neck. 

“We can take it slow. It’s going to be so perfect, Simon.” Nathan leans in, brushes his lips against Simon’s ear. “I’d do anything to be with you.”

“Anything?” Simon’s gaze deliberately travels down Nathan’s body, before he meets his eyes again.  
Nathan bites his lip and nods. 

“I don’t want to take it slow,” Simon says firmly. He shifts closer and makes a point of staring at Nathan’s mouth, hoping it’s enough of an incentive for him to get things started. He needs Nathan to think this is his idea, after all. 

Nathan’s eyes light up and he slides his hand around the back of Simon’s neck, leaning in to kiss him. It’s not like before; it’s a gentle, affectionate press of lips, lacking the urgency of yesterday. Simon would have much preferred it if Nathan had stuck his tongue down his throat. He pushes his hands up under Nathan’s shirt and nibbles at his lower lip, trying to coax him into deepening the kiss. Getting frustrated, Simon bites down hard and takes advantage of the opportunity to get his tongue involved. Nathan pulls away and Simon’s worried he’s done something wrong, but Nathan just drags his t-shirt over his head and then starts kissing him again. 

Simon moves his hands to Nathan’s chest and lightly pushes him away. “Wait. Before we go anything further… I don’t want to tell anyone about us just yet. I want to keep you to myself for a bit longer.” Simon gives Nathan a quick kiss on the lips, internally rolling his eyes at his own words. 

“I won’t say anything. It’ll be our little secret.” Nathan starts working on the buttons on Simon’s shirt, pushing it over his shoulders and pressing kisses to the exposed skin. “You just tell me when you’re ready.” 

Once Simon’s shirt is off, he lies back and pulls Nathan on top of him, possessively running his hands from his back to his arse. Nathan rolls his hips down into Simon’s, hard, and Simon chokes back a moan as Nathan’s erection presses against his. 

Nathan trails kisses down Simon’s chest as he starts undoing his trousers, and Simon stops breathing for a second when he starts to get an idea of exactly what Nathan’s planning on doing. He lifts his hips off the mattress to let Nathan tug his trousers and shorts down. Without hesitating Nathan takes Simon’s cock into his mouth, choking a little as he sees how far he can go. Simon moans and his hips involuntarily buck, and Nathan pulls away. 

“Don’t stop.” There’s an honestly embarrassing whine in Simon’s voice, but he can get self-conscious about that later. 

Nathan licks a stripe up Simon’s cock and flicks his tongue over the head, smirking at Simon’s shocked whimpers. He tries sucking him again, this time pressing his hands to Simon’s hips to keep them against the mattress. Simon can’t help the noises he’s making; this is so, so much better than the blowjob he’d gotten from Lucy, even though Nathan doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing. The time in the locker room had gone by in a confused blur, but Simon is hyper-aware of every artless but enthusiastic movement of Nathan’s tongue. He so desperately wants to thrust up into Nathan’s mouth, but he’s still holding his hips down. Simon slides his hands into Nathan’s hair and firmly pushes his head down, making him gag as he takes Simon deeper down his throat. This is probably the first time Nathan’s done this, but Simon doesn’t plan on taking it easy on him. Nathan’s given up on holding him down, concentrating instead on being able to breathe as Simon quickens his movements, certain he’s not going to last much longer. Nathan’s trying his best, still sucking and tentatively flicking his tongue, even as he’s blinking away tears every time Simon’s cock hits the back of his throat. 

Nathan looks up at Simon through his thick eyelashes and Simon’s gone, coming in Nathan’s mouth without so much as a warning. He tightens his grip on Nathan’s hair to prevent him from pulling away, forcing Nathan to swallow so he doesn’t choke. It’s still messy, and when Simon lets him go Nathan’s still licking come from his lips. 

Before Simon’s had time to recover Nathan’s on top of him, hands everywhere, clumsily pressing his lips to Simon’s. Simon almost pushes him off when he thinks about what he’s just done, but he’s left it too late. Nathan’s kissing him desperately, his tongue hot in Simon’s mouth, and Simon can taste his own come. This time, the kissing doesn’t bother him; there’s no sweetness now, only an uncoordinated clash of tongues and teeth and Nathan’s moans as Simon reaches between them to unzip his jeans. Nathan breaks the kiss and pushes his tight jeans down over his arse, grinding down against Simon, cock hot and hard through his shorts. 

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long.” Nathan kisses Simon’s neck, then bites, nipping at the skin and soothing the pain with little licks. He's still on top, and has far too much control over what they're doing. Simon grabs his shoulders, hopes it will bruise, and rolls them so Nathan’s pinned beneath him, tangled up in his jeans and whimpering. Simon presses his hand to the front of Nathan’s shorts, touching him lightly through the material, not giving him enough friction, and savours the frustrated string of curses. Nathan finally kicks his jeans off and his pants soon follow, evening the playing field. Simon takes hold of his wrists and pins them above his head, leaving Nathan completely at his mercy. 

“Simon, please.”

“Please what?”

“Touch me.” Nathan’s whining now, and it’s becoming irritating. Simon likes it when Nathan makes those little noises, tells himself it means Nathan wants this, but it seems Nathan has forgotten who’s in charge.

“I am touching you.” Simon keeps one hand around Nathan’s wrists, trailing the other down his chest and stomach, scraping his nails over his ribs. Simon traces the tattooed stars on Nathan’s hip, deliberately avoiding where he wants to be touched the most. 

Nathan opens his mouth, and at the prospect of more infuriating talking Simon lets go of his wrists and leans down to kiss him again. Nathan keeps moving under him, hips bucking, seeking friction. He makes a fucking beautiful sound when Simon gives in and wraps his hand around him, pulling away from the kiss to watch Nathan writhe under him. He thinks there may be some benefits to his youth and inexperience, as he’s getting hard again as Nathan moans like he does in Simon’s dreams. Nathan’s almost incoherent now; the only sounds coming out of that pretty mouth are desperate pleas for more, turning into whimpers when Simon removes his hand. 

“Get on your hands and knees. Facing me.” Simon’s surprised at how steady his voice is, how much more confident he sounds compared to how he feels. Nathan complies, and Simon’s breath catches at his wordless obedience. Simon cards his hand through Nathan’s unruly curls, tugging his head back. He keeps this hold on Nathan’s hair as he presses three fingers into Nathan’s mouth. Nathan’s eyelids flutter closed and he sucks on Simon’s fingers until he withdraws them, wet with saliva. Simon moves so he’s behind Nathan, pleased at how still Nathan is managing to be. He runs his hand over the curve of Nathan’s arse and he arches his back, pressing into his touch. 

“I’m going to fuck you.”

“Please,” Nathan whimpers, words spilling out in an almost unintelligible string, “yes, please fuck me, Simon, please, whatever you want –”

“Shut up,” Simon says roughly, and brings his hand down hard on Nathan’s arse. Nathan cries out, so Simon does it again. He watches, mesmerised, as blood rushes to the surface of Nathan’s skin in perfect outlines of his hand. This time Nathan doesn’t make a sound, although Simon’s sure he’s bitten his lower lip bloody. 

There’s condoms in the pocket of Nathan’s jeans. So predictable, Simon thinks wryly as he starts working Nathan open. There’s a persistent doubt in the back of his mind, insisting that this is wrong, but he ignores it. How could anything be wrong when it makes Nathan whimper like that, shuddering and shaking under Simon’s ministrations?

It’s a long time before Nathan’s anywhere close to being ready for Simon to fuck him. Simon’s cursing his lack of foresight; saliva really doesn’t work well enough. He had planned out every detail of this, but neglected to bring anything to make this easier. Then again, it’s Nathan, and Simon honestly doesn’t give a fuck if this hurts. Nathan groans as Simon removes his fingers but suppresses the sound when he remembers the pain from earlier. Simon smiles at that, at how easily controlled Nathan is when he’s like this. He’s not sure he’s actually ready, but there’s only one way to find out. Simon rolls a condom on and leans forward, starting to push in. Nathan inhales sharply and flinches, making it difficult for Simon to go any further. Impatient, Simon moves his hands from Nathan’s back to his hips, preventing him from moving too much, and buries himself inside Nathan in one quick movement. Nathan cries out and claws at the mattress, and Simon thinks maybe he’s been too rough but doesn’t really care. His world has narrowed to the tight heat surrounding him, so painfully good he’s sure he’s going to come in seconds. He starts with a tiny, experimental movement, and hears a strangled, cut-off moan from Nathan. 

“You don’t have to stay quiet now.” Simon stills, lightly caresses Nathan’s hip in an almost affectionate gesture.

“Hurts,” Nathan pants. Simon can feel him shaking, and he suspects Nathan’s trying not to cry.

“I know.” Taking pity on him, Simon slips his hand around Nathan’s hips and starts stroking his cock, trying to take his mind off the pain. He doesn’t stop until Nathan starts responding with pleased sighs and moans, instead of those sobs that make Simon inexplicably uncomfortable with what he’s done.

He starts moving again, tearing drawn-out, still slightly pained sounds from Nathan. It’s just as good as he’d hoped it would be, maybe even better, because not one of his fantasies has ever matched this control he has over Nathan’s pleasure and his pain. Simon’s only sure this isn’t a dream because of the small details his imagination could never recreate; the curve of Nathan’s back as he moves to meet Simon’s thrusts, the way Nathan’s pale skin is already bruising where Simon’s fingers are digging into his hips. Simon forces himself to go slower and more deliberate, intent on making Nathan enjoy this, and when Nathan tenses and sobs his name he knows he’s found the right spot. Simon does it again, and again, harder and faster, and as he feels himself tipping over the edge he leans over Nathan’s back and bites him hard, just above his tattoo. Nathan screams and Simon comes, hips stuttering through his final shaky thrusts. 

Simon collapses on top of Nathan, who falls forward against the mattress under his weight. Simon can’t seem to stop shaking, panting open-mouthed against Nathan’s hot skin. Nathan’s squirming underneath him, grinding his hips down into the mattress. Simon can hear his name repeated in amongst the litany of whimpers and begging. He stops Nathan’s movements with a harsh grip on his hips and pulls out, none too gently. Registering but ignoring his sound of protest, he rolls off of him and pushes at his hip to turn him over. Simon takes hold of Nathan’s cock and brings him off with quick, rough strokes, watching as Nathan sinks his teeth into his already bloodied lip. It doesn’t take long for Nathan to shatter underneath him, going limp as he comes all over Simon’s hand. His eyes are closed, lashes dark against his skin, and his breath is coming in quick, shallow pants. He looks exhausted and thoroughly used, and Simon feels a small twinge of pride when he thinks that he made Nathan look like that. In between disposing of the condom and wiping his hand clean on Nathan’s discarded shirt, Simon snaps a quick picture or two on his phone. Nathan is fucking stunning, even on the small screen. It’s really a shame that Simon didn’t think of video recording earlier. 

Simon finds his own clothes from the mess strewn about the mattress, managing to pull on his shorts and trousers before Nathan catches his breath and opens his eyes. 

“Simon? You’re not leaving me, are you?” He’s up in a second, clinging to Simon in a desperate embrace. “Don’t go.”

Simon disentangles himself from Nathan, pushing him firmly away. “I’m not going to leave. Get dressed.” 

Nathan’s jeans cover the bruises on his hips, but his shirt is covered in come so the marks on his shoulders are left bare. Simon lets Nathan pull him down onto the mattress and lies back with Nathan curled against his side, head on his shoulder. Nathan idly traces patterns across Simon’s bare skin and follows the path of his fingertips with light kisses. 

“That was amazing,” he says sleepily, snuggling closer. He tilts his head back to kiss along Simon’s jaw and reaches for Simon’s hand, tangling their fingers together. “I love you.”

“I…” Simon trails off. This is harder than he thought it would be. He leans down and kisses Nathan instead, licking the dried blood off his lips. 

When they break apart, Nathan smiles at him, soft and sweet. “You don’t have to say it back, not yet.” It’s not long before he’s asleep, hugging Simon like a child with a teddy bear. 

Simon lies awake.

 _We both got what we wanted._

He repeats it to himself until the words have no meaning, as though it would be enough to convince himself he did the right thing. 

Nathan’s blood is metallic on his tongue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to be re-reading this after 2 July 2016, you might notice this chapter is a bit different. There were a few scenes I wasn't happy with at the start, and the last few paragraphs have been completely rewritten. As it was, when combined with the upcoming chapter, it made the plot not quite fit the prompt and was honestly pretty shit.

_Bend me, break me,_  
_Any way you need me,_  
_As long as I want you,_  
_Baby, it’s all right_  
\- Garbage, _I Think I’m Paranoid_

Nathan pounces on him the second Simon walks into the community centre. He's late, after a mostly sleepless night. It turned out Nathan likes to cuddle and it took a while for Simon to disentangle himself and sneak out the previous night. Simon expected Nathan to whine about it, and he’s not disappointed.

“Where were you?” Nathan’s leaning against the locker next to Simon’s, not even pretending that he isn’t watching him get changed.

“I had to go home before community service.” Simon has further excuses if he needs them. It’s technically true that he had to go home, and that he can’t sleep while sharing a bed. In reality, he just couldn’t bring himself to spend the whole night in bed with someone he’s pretty sure he still hates. Nathan’s still complaining about waking up alone but Simon ignores him, and it’s not long before he goes back to being even more clingy than usual. 

“I think you should make it up to me.” 

Yet again, Simon finds himself pushed up against his locker with Nathan far too close to him.

“We’re already late – Nathan, stop!” Simon catches Nathan’s wrist and tugs his jumpsuit’s zip back up. “Later.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, now let’s go.” Simon slides out from between Nathan and the locker and leads the other boy outside.

“Nice of you to join us,” Shaun drawls when they finally catch up with the others. “You want to snog your boyfriend, you can do it on your own time.”

 _He doesn’t know_ , Simon tells himself. _He doesn’t know, he’s just being a prick like always._

He can see Nathan’s about to make some smart-arse comment that will probably out them to everyone, so he just sacrifices his dignity and briefly squeezes Nathan’s hand. With the way they’re standing, no one should have seen it anyway. Nathan gives him a dopey lovesick smile but he doesn’t say anything. If that’s all it takes to shut him up, Simon’s going to do it more often.

…

They know for sure that it’s the tattoos now; Kelly is acting just as strangely as Nathan. Simon’s quickly running out of time to work this situation to his advantage. He has to insist on going to see Vince that night. It would be out of character for him to do otherwise, although in their current states he doubts Nathan or Kelly would notice. His plans for getting a little more time with (inside) Nathan, which range from the slightly impractical to the completely ridiculous, end up being unnecessary. As soon as they’re alone, Nathan drags him up to the roof of the centre.

When Simon sits down, Nathan promptly lies down with his head in Simon’s lap. It’s the type of affection that would usually make Simon uncomfortable, but it kind of reminds him of his sister’s puppy: dumb adoration. He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help liking it. No one has ever been this interested in him or cared as much about him as Nathan does right now, even if it is only because of the storm. For a minute Simon wonders if this is what it would be like if Nathan was his boyfriend. There would probably be less sappy romance. He’s being stupid, thinking that Nathan would want him once this wears off. It’s not like Simon wants to date Nathan anyway.

“I wish you’d stayed.” Nathan’s giving Simon his best puppy dog eyes, but it’s not making Simon feel even slightly guilty about leaving him. Quite the opposite, actually, because it clearly just made Nathan want him more.

“You know I couldn’t.”

“There were so many things I wanted to do with you.” Nathan wriggles in Simon’s lap as he starts describing it, in extreme detail. By the time he’s moved on from doing it in the shower to being tied up, Simon’s kind of hard. With Nathan lying on him, he can’t exactly hide it. Judging by Nathan’s smirk, he’s noticed. It was probably his intention all along.

“Want me to take care of that for you?”

“No.”

Nathan sits up, pouting. “You said later.”

“Not here!”

“No one’s gonna come up.”

“People can still _see_.” 

“Not if we’re careful.” Nathan twists his hand out of Simon’s and starts pulling down the zip on his jumpsuit, lightly scratching short nails over his exposed skin.

This is a really bad idea. The roof of the community centre isn’t exactly private. But then if they were just touching… As long as most of their clothes stay on, no one would know what was going on unless someone came right up to them. 

“Let me do you first.”

“Whatever you want.” Nathan’s nuzzling into Simon’s neck, already kissing and biting softly.

Simon unzips Nathan’s jumpsuit just enough to get his hand around Nathan’s cock. He’s already hard, and if Simon was still uncertain about whether the other boy really wanted this, he isn’t anymore.

There’s a storm rolling in across the lake, creating ripples on the water. Simon watches them form and spread while Nathan whimpers and clutches at him. Nathan’s almost incoherent but he’s saying something, some repeated promise of love that Simon’s not listening to, then Nathan relaxes against him as sticky liquid spills over Simon’s fingers. It didn’t take long at all. Simon extracts his hand from Nathan’s pants and wipes the come on the sofa cushions; this furniture has probably seen worse. 

Nathan rests against him for a few seconds before he slides to the floor, settling between Simon’s legs. Simon pushes one hand into Nathan’s hair as he navigates through his phone’s menu to the video camera, accidentally pressing the wrong buttons when Nathan licks over the head of his cock. 

“Are you going to film it?” Nathan looks up at him, frowning slightly.

Simon’s response is probably up in the top five of the worst things he’d done to Nathan. He instantly regrets it because it’s kind of crossing a line, even for him. “You love me, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Nathan drops his gaze and takes Simon’s dick into his mouth.

Simon pets his hair as he presses record and Nathan’s so fucking pleased with the attention. He’s taking it slow this time, playing it up for the camera as he moans around Simon’s cock and takes it as far he can without choking. Simon might not embarrass himself again, if he can resist the temptation to watch. Nathan’s always been fucking pretty, prettier than Simon thought boys could be. Especially now, with his eyes dark and his hair messed up from Simon playing with it while Nathan sucks him, and his lips shiny and wet around Simon’s dick – 

It’s all Simon can do to gasp out Nathan’s name before he comes. He’s vaguely aware of Nathan swallowing around him, then putting their clothes back in order and sitting down again, cuddling in close. Simon slides his phone back into his pocket after stopping the video, and clumsily wipes at the come smeared over Nathan’s mouth. 

Nathan pulls Simon into his lap, hands curving around Simon’s hips as they kiss. Because Simon’s shorter, even though he’s sitting on Nathan, when they break apart Simon’s pressed against the other boy’s chest. It makes him uncomfortable and he’s not sure he can do this anymore. When Nathan tilts Simon’s head back to kiss him again, Simon turns away and pretends he doesn’t notice how hurt Nathan looks.

…

Kelly’s so sure Vince would never hurt her. Simon’s starting to worry about her; Kelly’s his friend, and he’s seen how easily Nathan bends to his will. Who knows what Vince could make Kelly do? The thought stirs up an uncomfortable feeling of hypocrisy, but Simon dismisses it. 

Going back to the tattoo shop is the only option. Simon had realised that before, but now he’s thinking about exactly what could happen if they don’t. He doesn’t want to go. No one knows what will happen when the tattoos come off. Nathan and Kelly might not remember anything. They could just go back to the way they’ve always been, only it will be so much harder now that Simon knows exactly what he’s missing. He knows how Nathan sounds during sex and how he sucks cock and how he kisses, and it shouldn’t be _that_ that Simon thinks he’s going to miss the most. 

Nathan could remember everything. Simon doesn’t know which outcome he fears more. He doesn’t let himself think for long about what he wants to happen. He wants Nathan to come to him with that teasing smirk and say “let’s do that again sometime”. He knows it will never happen, because he's not completely devoid of morals and knows what he's done isn't right. Despite that, his resolve to not touch Nathan again doesn't last. By lunchtime Nathan's practically begging for it and if Simon's already going to hell he figures he might as well make it worth it. 

It’s not until after community service that they end up on a mattress in one of the storerooms in the back of the community centre. Curtis is preoccupied with Alisha, Kelly with Vince, and no one has noticed they’re gone. It’s typical for Simon, but for once he wishes someone had taken notice. Even though Nathan seems desperate to get him alone, he's been quiet and clingy since they came down from the roof and Simon’s finding it unnerving.

The storeroom is small and dark, not Simon’s first choice of places to have sex in the centre. He’s not going to complain though, especially when Nathan pulls condoms and a small bottle of lube out of his pocket. It started out as exchanging a few kisses, then at some point Nathan took his shirt off, and now he’s in Simon’s lap and there’s a lot more touching than is probably appropriate for the very public community centre. They’ve already had sex on the roof, though, so it’s not until Nathan shoves his hand down Simon’s trousers that Simon thinks about what would happen if someone came in.

“Is the door locked?”

“Yeah.” Nathan tries to push Simon’s unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders but Simon’s not cooperating. “No security cameras either, so can you please just get naked?”

Simon can feel his cheeks heat up as he lets Nathan get his shirt off and push him down to the mattress. Nathan’s on top of him again, and Simon bites his lip to keep from making too much noise as he pushes his hips up to meet Nathan’s movements. The room suddenly feels far too hot and even though they’ve done this twice before Simon’s struck by how strange this is. For all his fantasies about Nathan, he never really thought this would ever happen. But it has and he likes the feel of lean muscle and the press of Nathan’s cock against his, and it doesn’t feel wrong when Nathan kisses him and Simon can feel the faint scratch of stubble because, well, he’s never done this with a girl either.

Still, it doesn’t feel entirely right either and Simon wants to be in control and get Nathan underneath him but Nathan’s holding Simon’s hands down by his sides, turning what had been romantic into another restraint. Nathan isn’t as light as he looks and, short of kneeing him in the balls or something, Simon’s effectively trapped. The bites Nathan’s trailing over his collarbone and shoulders are becoming progressively harder. They’re no longer intended to be playful, but to hurt, and Simon’s not sure where this aggression has come from or if he likes it. He cries out when Nathan sinks his teeth into his shoulder, way too hard, and Nathan flicks his tongue over the bite to take away the sting.

“Nathan, stop. Let me go.” Simon knows he sounds scared and kind of pathetic but he can’t help it. “Please.”

“I don’t know what you want.” Nathan releases Simon’s wrists and sits up. “You won’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry.” Simon’s voice cracks and he turns away. It’s not really Nathan’s fault; how should he know what Simon wants? Simon doesn’t even know that himself.

“You didn’t like what we did before.”

“I did like it.”

“Then let me…” Nathan leans down and kisses him softly, “make you feel good.”

It’s easier to give in, to just let Nathan strip off the rest of their clothes and start stroking Simon’s cock. He hasn’t asked Simon to change position and the mental image of Nathan sinking down onto his dick keeps Simon from moving. 

Nathan takes his cock into his mouth as he pops the cap on the bottle of lube and coats his fingers. Simon’s so distracted by the thing Nathan’s doing with his tongue that he almost doesn’t notice when Nathan’s hands start wandering. At first it’s just light touches on his thighs, his balls, but then Nathan’s fingers press at his arse and Simon whimpers. He knows now why Nathan was trying to be so dominant and he doesn’t want this but can’t get the words out to tell him to stop. He tenses up as Nathan slowly pushes a finger into him and Nathan lets his cock slip out of his mouth.

“You need to relax. You’ll like it, promise.”

It does get less uncomfortable as Nathan moves a bit, but Simon’s still not quite used to it when Nathan adds another finger to the first and it makes him whine in pain. It fucking hurts, even with lube, and he knows it’s because he’s too tense but he can’t possibly relax. He did this to Nathan without anything. Simon fucked him without lube and even thinking about it makes him wince. 

Nathan’s slowed down and it’s not quite so painful anymore. Having Nathan’s fingers in his arse is making Simon kind of self-conscious but his body’s starting to respond, if only because Nathan’s sucking him off again.

Simon whimpers at the slight burn as Nathan scissors his fingers, stretching him open, but then Nathan curls his fingers inside him and the unexpected spike of pleasure makes Simon buck up into Nathan’s mouth. Nathan gags but doesn’t pull away, just presses his hand to Simon’s hip as he repeats the movement inside him, harder this time. It’s starting to feel really good and Simon’s disgusted with himself for not being able to stop his moans as Nathan pushes three fingers into him and he spills into Nathan’s mouth.

Nathan swallows and slowly pulls his fingers out of Simon. He’s still hard and he’s tearing a condom off from the rest of the strip and Simon closes his eyes against the sting of tears and the shame that Nathan could make him come just by fingering him. 

“Did you like that?” Nathan kisses him, not seeming to care that Simon’s not kissing back.

“Yes.” Simon’s voice sounds off, even to himself.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Suddenly Simon can’t stand being underneath Nathan. “Get off me.”

When Nathan doesn’t move fast enough Simon shoves him to the side and grabs his clothes. His hands shake as he pulls his trousers on and buttons up his shirt. He leaves Nathan sitting alone in the storeroom and doesn’t stop until he’s behind a locked door in the toilets. Simon stays there until he’s stopped feeling like he’s going to cry or hyperventilate or possibly both, and Curtis is calling him to get the fuck outside because they’re going to the tattoo shop.

…

They end up defeating Vince with peanuts of all things. 

Once Simon’s no longer in danger of suffocating, he becomes aware that Nathan’s still on top of him, staring down at him in confusion. Simon can tell when something clicks because Nathan’s scrambling to get off him. Nathan backs up until he’s against the wall, putting as much distance between him and Simon as possible. Kelly’s staring at Nathan and Simon prays she hasn’t heard either of them thinking. He stands up and moves closer to Nathan, standing between him and the door.

“Nathan,” he says softly, like he’s trying to calm a scared animal. He reaches out to touch Nathan’s shoulder, but he flinches away violently.

“Don’t touch me!” Nathan shoves Simon away from him and bolts out the door, followed by Kelly a second later. 

“What was all that about?” Curtis narrows his eyes at Simon. 

“I don’t know.”

…

Nathan doesn’t get very far before he has to stop because it _hurts_ , a sharp pain that goes all the way into him. He manages to sit down before he collapses, but almost immediately has to curl his legs under him to take his weight. He’s fucking shaking with fear and shame and disgust, so overwhelming that he has to dig his nails into the wound on his shoulder to let the physical pain drown it all out. None of his memories are even that clear since he left Vince’s with Simon, but Nathan remembers Simon’s hands on him and _in_ him, and it’s not like it’s never happened before but this time it was someone he trusted.

“Nathan!” Kelly comes around the corner and crouches next to him. She looks caught between relief and concern. “Are you all right?”

“I don’t…” Nathan trails off as his stomach turns and then he throws up in his lap before he can move.

“Christ,” Kelly mutters. She pats his shoulder, stopping when Nathan flinches. “It’s okay, it’s over.”

“What happened?”

“You pissed off Vince. He had this power, he could give people tattoos. Yours made you kind of gay.”

“What?”

“You were like in love with Simon.”

“Fuck.”

“Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Cheers.”

“You just puked all over yourself.”

In the end, Kelly stares him down until he agrees to go home with her. It doesn’t take long; staying with Kelly means decent food, a shower that doesn’t intermittently run out of hot water, and not having to be alone all night. She ends up having to half-carry Nathan, but neither of them mind.

… 

The room is filled with steam by the time Nathan’s finished in the shower. There’s clean clothes by the sink, because Kelly is a much better friend than Nathan deserves and had gone to the centre to pick some up. Nathan had scrubbed his skin half-raw and even the soft towel hurts but at least he feels clean.

Nathan wipes the condensation from the mirror. He doesn’t want to, but he should probably find out how badly he’s hurt. Bruises; handprints on his hips. It’s nothing. Nathan’s always bruised easily. His lower lip’s swollen and sore. It bled at some point, but not anymore so there’s no point worrying about it. The mark on his shoulder isn’t some scar left from the tattoo, but the indentations of teeth, which barely broke the skin.

Considering Nathan almost expected Simon to have carved his initials into his chest or something equally aspiring-serial-killer-esque, it’s not that bad. All Nathan really has to worry about is whatever damage Simon’s left inside him.

Kelly knocks on the door and Nathan hurriedly pulls his t-shirt on.

“Everything okay?”

Kelly’s good with this emotional shit, she’s always been able to sort him out. Nathan should tell her. Simon would be dead as soon as she sees him, but Nathan won’t have to deal with this shit alone again. But then if he tells her… well, Kelly will _know_.

“Yeah.”


End file.
